“Don’t ever get married…” was my mom’s advice after a fight with my dad. I didn’t think she was serious but her suggestion appealed to me. With the financial crisis in our country these days her advice seemed practical. Young as I was, I decided to take it and vowed to be an old maid. Who needs a husband to complicate life anyway? I preferred a simple and inconvenient living. If I get lonely, I’d get a dog or something. If I decide to become a mom, I’ll adopt an orphan. It sounded like a good plan.
When I met Butch (now my husband), I discovered what was it like to fall for someone- that fuzzy, warm feeling and excitement of being in love. You know, times when you just can’t wipe the smile off your face after speaking with him for hours and hours on the phone. Moments of pure elation! I believed we were soul mates. We were so alike and compatible. I even thought of him as my guy version. Soon, I forgot my spinsterhood plan.
Then, it happened. After two years of going steady, the quarreling began- over the phone (times like those I hated Sun Cellular for having a 24/7 talk all you can promo it sure facilitated our arguments!), in the sidewalk (yeah, even in public), in my office- I mean a lot. Our differences just started to surface. During those fights I was the one who would give up easily and call it quits. But somehow our relationship went on because Butch never gave up on me.
In our fourth year, he proposed and I said yes. I was very much in love with him I couldn’t refuse. But as our wedding day drew nearer,I noticed our fights became more frequent. I remembered my mom’s warning years ago. We even broke up a couple of times because of my attitude. Did I really want to share a space with a person having a totally different upbringing? Imagine the endless bickering! In the midst of my ambivalence the Lord spoke to me. He said…
“Dying and suffering for you is worth it because I know when you realize how much I love you, you’d reciprocate that love. You, loving me back is my greatest joy!! I’d do it all again even for a thousand times.”
His Words just wiped all my doubts away. Last January 13, 2007 we finally got married. I knew there would be tons of inconvenient adjustments to make, and like any marriage there will be problems. But like how Butch fought for our relationship when I was about to give up and how the Lord chose to die for me, I knew my love for him was worth fighting for. The ill-feelings I have when we fight fade away when I compare it to the utmost joy I feel when I am with him.
We’ve been married for a year now. Yes, we argue. The most ridiculous so far would be if the love songs during the 80’s were much better than the love songs these days. Funny I know.
With God’s grace we are learning to sort out our differences mostly by compromising. Because when you love someone no task is too hard and it is always worth the fight. LOVE is never practical. After all, it cost the blood of the Son of Man.
P.S. I know, the picture has kinda nothing to do with the post but its my current favorite photo by Butch taken in Manila Bay , Mall of Asia. Hope you guys like it and always remember to FIGHT FOR THE ONES YOU LOVE.
Monday, March 10, 2008
For love? Yes, it’s worth it!
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19 comments:
Wow congrats! im so happy for you, Best Wishes! May God shower both of you with more blessings. God Bless!
hello wendy...
Cinderella is here...hehhee...i love this post...i hope someday i will meet the person that I can spend the rest of my life with ..hehehe...thanks for dropping by..I know your happy with your life now being married, just trust in God always and everything well be ok....mwah wendy...thank you
hi, thanks for visiting my blog.
Love is definitely worth fighting for. I think its normal in every relationship. Its ABNORMAL to not fight. People fight because they really care :)
quarrels and fights will actually make one's heart fonder, if two people don't even bother to quarrel with each other, then something must be really wrong.
very touching post. You are one lucky girl and your relationship is surely blessed by the Lord.
That is normal as long as you don't hit each other. My husband and I do not talk when we fight. We have this cold war kind of thing. The house would b very quite.
to jojo: haha the "silent treatment" huh.
yeah, PHYSICAL ABUSE is totally a different story. STAYING IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP is NOT FIGHTING FOR LOVE. If the guy hits you even your still dating, its a sure warning to run for the hills! LEAVE NOW.
All couples argue from time-to-time. That is perfectly normal. It's impossible to find two people who are ENTIRELY alike and compatible at ALL times. It's very unrealistic to think that COULD happen in the real world. Once that initial infatuation wears off in a relationship, only TRUE LOVE will stand the test of time! You are newly wed still, adjustments are bound to occur for both of you for quite some time still. Do not despair during those times though - for as you BOTH purpose in your hearts to honor God and honor each other, you will always learn how to walk along TOGETHER successfully. Keep HIM as your focus during those times when you don't particularly find little things about each other to be very "nice". LOVE hopes all, endures all, believes all, and suffers long! LOVE is a VERB (it is a deed - an "action" word) it is NOT a "feeling". Sometimes (even when you don't "feel" like being loving, if you will just DO SO anyways, the FEELING (warm, cozy, etc.) will surely come along afterward. Sometimes it just takes that acting out in faith for a period of time - the feelings WILL follow!
there's a verse in Genesis that God say's, it's not good for a man to be alone. If it's love, that is super doooper way OKEY. hehehe argument can boost a relationship if it can recover before the day sets in. well, marriage is from God... hehehe
THAT pic's taken from the mall of asia? Amazing that u can get such a beautiful scene in Manila! I've never been able to go there yet, everytime I'm in Manila, I'm in the Makati area, and they tell me it's too far away. So I always go to the SM Megamall instead.
One year of marriage, hm, and no kids yet? When they come, maybe you and Butch won't have time to fight. :D
to deb: you should definitely go to the Mall of asia in your next visit. Its actually near the airport. I saw a lot of tourist when we went there.
hahaha yeah we probably won't have time to fight when we have babies.
I am so happy for you Wendy. God has really blessed you so much. My husband and I think that we are very compatible and we thank God every day for giving us the opportunity to become husband and wife. Yes we do argue sometimes, that is just part of being married, I guess :)
Godbless,
Love involves acceptance of one's weaknesses and a constant changing of lives shared.
Continue to extend God's love to each other. Congratulations!
If only we could all express such perfect love found in Christ at all times. It would make life just a little less frustrating.
As always, good post and I look forward to more.
I had planned on never getting married, but somehow it happened.
My husband and I definitely do our share of bickering but we have a 30 minute rule which means whatever we are fighting about has to be dealt with and resolved within 30 minutes.
We've been together for almost 15 years and so far it's working perfectly.
Congrats..
Without Christ in your relationship, it will crumble in a second!
and don't stop praying for your relationship every day :)
to monique: that's great! I think all couples should do that. reminds of the "Never let the sun go down on your anger..." verse in the Bible. All big fights originate from small unresolved ones, I guess. 15 years! am happy for you Monique, you guys must really love each other!!
Hi Wendy. Thanks for the comment and I've also added you on my website.
Wow, congratulations!
Just wanna add some input: :)
"Arguments should not always be a bad thing. In fact its a way of expressing your uniqueness. I dont know about others but for me, eventhough you're already viewed as one, you still have your own identity and you dont have to lose that after you get married. Me and my husband has been married for 5 years and yes, lots of arguments, but I guess for us, its our way of getting into each other's head, you know the ache of really wanting to get to know one another. So I guess its really your attitude towards it that really matters."
Dont worry! You two will be fine. Enjoy every minute of being together. God bless always. :)
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