It’s hard to feel beautiful in your own skin, but you make me beautiful over and over again…

Once in a while I stumble upon a song that somehow depicts my relationship with the Lord. My current favorite is Katherine Mcphee’s song called “Home”. These are my favorite lines- It’s hard to see beautiful in your own skin, but you make me beautiful for the very first time… Wow! Lines that just hit me in the right spot.



My Bible tells me this “I am FEARFULLY and WONDERFULLY made…” (Psalm 139:14) and…I am “made in the IMAGE and LIKENESS OF GOD…” (Genesis 1: 27)
Flowers are my favorite amongst all creation. I consider them “smiles” from God. In a garden, these lovely delights greet me with such glee. Their variety in color, shapes and sizes is admirable and breathtaking! The elephant amazes me too. Though one of the largest and most powerful creatures, it only feeds on greens. Man, those are the heftiest vegans I’ve ever seen! If these are amazing then its Creator must be much more beautiful and awesome. Both flowers and the elephant only reflect the grandeur of its Creator. And apparently, my Bible is telling me that I WAS MADE IN THE IMAGE AND LIKENESS OF THIS BEING!! I once found that hard to believe. I’ve memorized the verse, but somehow my heart didn’t agree with it (simply memorizing a Biblical passage is entirely different from taking it to heart and letting it change you).

You see, I hated how I looked. I felt geeky with my glasses. I didn’t like looking at myself in the mirror because all I saw was an ugly face with atopic dermatitis lesions and too much facial hair ( to give you an idea how “hairy” I really am, I have black caterpillar eyebrows if I don’t tweeze and a mustache above my upper lip if I don’t bleach it!) And to top it all, my speaking voice is really low. Countless are the times when I’ve been addressed as “sir” when I call 1-800 numbers. My sisters used to tease me that I should have been born a guy. I had poorest of the poor self-image!

Self-esteem starts to develop during childhood.

And mine probably never developed. I remember being compared to my sisters most of the time- especially my grades. I was horrible in Math and Science whilst my sisters were both top students in their class. Grades were VERY important in our house. And since my average was always pulled down by my low mark in Math I never “measured up” to expectations. No matter how hard I tried to understand Algebra, the numbers NEVER made REAL SENSE TO ME! I was often scolded for having low grades and as a result how I valued myself depended on how satisfactory my grades were to my parents. I literally felt stupid.

What I believed about myself all my life- that I was stupid and ugly has been engrained in my subconscious. This is the reasons why I couldn’t accept that I was “fearfully and wonderfully made”. It took a God who consistently showed me His love and acceptance for me to unlearn these lies. During those times together with Biblical truths, I remember singing this song called “Your Beloved” very often…

Lord, who am I compared to Your Glory Oh Lord
Lord, who am I compared to your majesty?
I’m your Beloved, Your Creation and You love me as I am
You have called chosen, unashamed to call me your own
I am your beloved...

As this truth exploded in my life and transformed me, I learned who I am in Him. I discovered my natural gifts- arts and crafts singing, and writing. As a student, I loved English and History but I was too pre-occupied trying hard to study Math to notice that I could have excelled in writing. When I joined our worship team in church, I found out that I could sing. Though my speaking voice is low, my singing voice range is wide! Bragging aside, I could sing both alto and soprano with ease. I love creating things. I’ve grown an interest in arts and crafts- decoupage in particular. Doing these three makes me feel more alive as I do it for God’s glory.

I also started taking care of myself. When I had poor self-image, I tend let myself go. I didn’t care about my health or if I looked decent when I went out of the house. I ate mindlessly and ignored my allergy lesions and facial hair. These days, I make it a point to eat vegetables and fruits, I exercise and “de-hair” regularly (such a painful but necessary girlie process!). I want to look good for my God! I’ve become comfortable with my glasses too. I used to hate being photographed because I dreaded my appearance. But these days, I am totally okay with it. I like how I look because I learned to love myself. When you allow God to love and change you, the real person He intended you to become will emerge and little by little you will reflect His beauty.

You are meant to reflect your Creator’s Glory. Accept God’s love and you will discover who you really are- a very IMPORTANT and Beautiful person who has a phenomenal mind! This is the only truth that you must believe in and don’t let anybody make you believe otherwise.