A thought-provoking poem on parenting

I found this really thought-provoking poem from the book “The Road Less Traveled”. It made me think twice about how I will raise Nigel. After reading it, I seriously wanted to throw away the book. Here’s the poem…

Your children are not your children.

They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for

itself.

They come through you but not from you,

And though they are with you they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,

For they have their own thoughts.

You may house their bodies but not their souls,

For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrows, which you

cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make

them like you.

For life goes not backwards nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bow from which your children as living

arrows are sent forth.

The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,

and He bends you with His might that His arrow may

go swift and far.

Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;

For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also

the bow that is stable.

-- The Prophet by Alfred A. Knopf

I’ve felt Nigel develop inside me from a tiny embryo to a fetus he is now. Everyday, I feel him growing in my womb as his kicks get stronger. My body goes through difficulties and inevitable changes just to support and nourish his life. Though I know it isn’t possible, there are moments when I want to keep him inside me just to protect him from the harshness of life. Nigel will come out of my own body. For this reason, I can’t help but to see him as an extension of myself. Perhaps this is the reason why I wanted to throw the book away. The poem strongly disagrees with this thinking. Instead, it suggests looking at your child as an individual who has a unique mind, personality and destiny.
Parents sometimes force their kids to pursue the same professions they have even though their kid’s interests and potentials lie somewhere else.

As children, my three sisters and I were forced by my parents to have piano lessons. I think learning to play a musical instrument was my mom’s childhood frustration. I absolutely had no interest in it. I dreaded Saturday mornings when the piano teacher came.

Some parents even put all their hopes in them. My mom’s masseuse seems to have this thinking. A single mom, she has four small kids and is already having a really hard time providing their basic needs. Then, she became pregnant to her fifth child. Out of concern, we suggested that she has the baby adopted. Her brother refused saying that the baby might be “lucky”. That he might be the one to get them out of their poverty. Her brother’s reason appalled me. Why would you put such burden to a child? Did God not give you the strength and the ability to get yourself out of such situation?

I want Nigel to be the best person he can be. I want him to find his God-given potentials early on in life so he can use it and be fulfilled. I will love him unconditionally and support whatever he chooses to pursue. I am totally clueless about being a parent. But with the Lord’s guidance and grace I know I can do it.