The year was 2006, probably the most emotionally and physically tumultuous year in my life. Butch and I were planning to get married. We had no money. I just quit my job because I kept getting all sorts of infections that required me to take strong antibiotics and steroids. I was sickly and penniless. That time I felt like all my dreams just got thrown out of the window. Butch himself got pneumonia about three months before our wedding.
After we got married, (I had an asthma attack during our wedding day, we had to cancel our honeymoon plans) things got a little smoother.
Reading Hebrews 12 reminds me of that time in my life because it was the year the Lord REALLY disciplined me. My faith was tremendously challenged, I was humbled and He made me see my flaws, mistakes and sins. It was pretty painful most of the time, like He was intentionally hurting me. In the middle of an atopic dermatitis flare up, I told Him, “Lord hindi ka ba naaawa sakin? Tingnan mo yung balat ko ang pangit pangit ko na!” (Lord, can’t you have a bit of mercy on me? Look at my skin, it’s so ugly) His answer startled me…
“Wala akong pakialam sa itchura ng balat mo, ang importante matutunan mo kailangan mong matutunan…” ( I don’t care what your skin looks like all that matters to me is you learn what you need to learn…) God really meant business in changing me. He knew that it was for my own good.
There were faulty mindsets I’ve had since childhood that I needed to get rid of. He made me confront my personal issues that contributed to that attitude because it would hinder me from receiving and handling His blessing.
Even though it was a very painful process, He was gracious to help me change. HE WAS THERE EVERY STEP OF THE WAY encouraging and cheering me on. I can’t remember a time when He did not answer when I prayed (although I didn’t like what He answered back.)
These days this is how I try to respond to “hardships” I try to have the awareness that everything happening to me is spiritually significant. God is watching how I respond to it.
I STOP
When I face a difficult situation, I “remove” myself from it and try to see it objectively as much as I can
I CONFRONT and CONFESS.
Confront my feelings towards the situation and Confess it to the Lord- I tell it to Him as it is. I don’t hold myself back or censor anything. If am angry I tell Him and elaborate WHY I am angry. (God is the best therapist EVER!)
Then He answers (either through His written Word –the Bible or He impresses it to my heart) He gives an objective view of the situation and tells me how to respond to it. Most of the time I do not like how He wants me to respond because it involves swallowing my pride or humbling myself. It really takes an obedient heart to do it.
When I am reminded of what He did for me on Calvary, I am inspired to carry my own cross to show my love for Him. Jesus did not focus Himself on the difficult part of the task but on what was in store after it’s been accomplished. Enduring discipline is hard but I keep my eye on the PRICE- To put a smile on His face and a better knowledge of God.
“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart4 In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. 5And you have forgotten that word of encouragement that addresses you as sons:
"My son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, 6because the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son.".”
Hebrews 12:1-5
