A student of Love (How being pregnant changed the way I look at love)

What does it mean to genuinely and really love? Everyday, I strive to be a loving person. After all, as 1 Corinthians 13:2 says

"… I may have all knowledge and understand all secrets; I may have all the faith
needed to move mountains-but if I have no love, I am nothing."

But time and again, the exact opposite happens. The selfish monster in me comes out. So I pray this prayer

“Lord show me and teach me how to love like you have loved me.”

The Lord impressed this answer to my heart…

“Be willing to go the distance for the ones you love, Wendy. I went the distance
for you by being human and dying on the cross. Follow my example.”

Then, I said another prayer that I never knew the Lord would take so seriously.

“Grant me the strength and the grace to love ever so unconditionally
So I can go the extra mile for those that I love.”

I wanted to be the best mom for my son, Nigel and an awesome wife to my husband, Butch.They were the ones I had in mind when I said that prayer. A week later, that was tested. I was about eight months pregnant with my son Nigel when I found out that my blood sugar was too high. To make sure the baby wouldn’t get too big for a normal delivery, my Ob-gyn required me to go on a low carb diet. This meant I was absolutely forbidden to eat sweets. I love eating. And every mom knows hunger pangs is a lot different during pregnancy. It was the holiday season. Delicious desserts and feast food abound. I was utterly frustrated because I couldn’t eat like everybody else. While all families relished a Christmas banquet of ham and queso de bola and such Butch and I ate green salad on Christmas Eve. On top of that, I had to check my blood sugar before and after meals (6 times a day). This involved pricking myself with a needle (ouch) and extracting my own blood onto a glucose strip (uh-oh blood!).

To be honest, I was very annoyed all along. I even vowed never to be pregnant again if it was going to be this “inconvenient”. But I had to leave my comfort zone for the sake of my son’s well-being.

I found it funny that someone gave me adult diapers during my baby shower. Also, my sister insisted that I bring bed pads (lots of it) and humungous sanitary napkins to the hospital. I only found out why after I had a c-section to deliver my baby. Yes, despite the strict diet I was on, the baby still grew to 8.4 Ibs and I had a c-section.

After the epidural wore off, the pain started kicking in. It felt like my uterus has been bludgeoned and my insides smashed! Lying on the bed as I rested, blood gushed out of me.
I couldn’t move or do anything. Going to the bathroom, I walked with my back bent holding my stomach afraid my insides would come apart (of course it won’t but it sure felt like it would). Washing myself after “doing number 2” for the first time became an impossible task. But Butch was there. He willingly and happily did it for me. I remember the time when he got hospitalized because of pneumonia. It was a few months before we got married. He had no one but me to stay with him in the hospital. I waited on him hand and foot- fed him, comforted him, clothed him, bathed him (well, I gave him a sponge bath and washed his hair).

It was at that moment in the bathroom, when I was absolutely helpless and in pain that the Lord told me this
“Now, you know what it means to “go the distance for the ones you love…”

Leaving your comfort zone and serving them willingly with all that you are two things that one must be ready to do in order to genuinely love. I never imagined “going the distance” would cost so much that it would require your entire being! Yes, even to the point of shedding blood.
Jesus went the distance for all of us when He chose to die for our sins. It cost Him all that He is. The ruler of the universe who was supposed to be worshipped was willing to be treated and punished like the scum of the earth. He could have just let us get what we deserve as sinners but He chose to make a way to reach us.

Also in this way, he became our servant. He also demonstrated this when He washed the dirty feet of His disciples the night he was captured to be crucified.

Falling in love with Nigel
I awoke still feeling groggy. I am hooked up to a machine that was suppose to monitor my heartbeat and vital signs. I was at the recovery room. More than anything, I wanted to see my son.
“Nigel, Nigel, Nigel… “ I said in a weak voice.
“You mustn’t be talking ma’am, you just had a major operation. Air might get into your stomach” said the male nurse nearby. But I had nothing in mind but my son.
Soon, a female approached me. In her arms was a bundle of blanket.
“Here is your baby…”
I was too weak to hold him in my arms so I motioned for the nurse to place him near my head instead. Then, I saw him for the very first time and fell in love. His eyes were beautiful! He looked at me so intently as if he was trying to study my face. Uncontrollable tears rolled down from my eyes. I am very happy that the Lord has filled my life with so much love because He gave me Butch and Nigel. They are my teachers of unconditional love. There is nothing I wouldn’t do for these two persons.

Will the selfish monster in me still come out? Maybe it will, maybe it won’t. But I have the rest of earthly existence to perfect the art of loving; and an eternity to give it away. This pregnacy taught me a great deal about love. I am pretty sure being a mother will teach me so much more.


The day I gave birth to Nigel